Monday, February 16, 2009
my day today
much of the same. its freakin boring to live here in the suburbs in Honolulu. I don't have a car and have to relay on the public transit to get me to where I want to go i.e., TheBus. The problem is this is that I have to follow the schedule of when the buses come and go and not my own schedule which I would kill to enjoy. I wish I was independent, I want to live closer to town i.e., Honolulu and on my own. I believe need independence because I feel I don't get respected as an adult where I am currently established. I feel as though I am treated as a hopeless kid, I am not. One thing to be clear about I am not being raised by no one. I raise myself, although I am provided a bed to sleep on and dinner on my plate, I am in no way being raised by anyone. I am being financially supported by my parents, only they lay the claim to raising me right now. If you look at the situation, I help myself with homework while trying to get help over the phone from my Dad, I eat lunch at campus on my own, I go to school on my own accord, and if I want to go somewhere: the mall, the beach, or the Arizona Memorial for instance; I do this on my own. I am financially supported by my parents and not by anyone I currently live with. To say that the people I live with although my extended family raise me is a false claim. I am provided a home and food, not anything else that would come close to be called raising i.e, what you get from your parents. I consult my decision making with my parents and nobody else, so the answer to who"s raising me: my parents are. I want to go back to San Jose right now, don't care what others feel, its what I want and my parents and little sister need me to be there. i made a mistake of coming here and i don't enjoy being here. I know I was the envy of my graduating class for being here but i would gladly trade places with those who stayed home in California. Being on an island is not as fun is living in a place with open road, meaning from the Bay, I could take the highway to Seattle or even New York. Being surrounded by ocean, you gotta fly or own a submarine. I miss my friends, my nuclear family, and i miss being in my home state. i feel as though I am having to adjust to my extended family more so than they are adjusting to me, so I want out. Going to class, listening to my professors lecture, taking on the phone to my nuclear family keeps my mind off of my current state of boredom/unhappiness. Doing homework is fine too, however I can't do it in this house, its do damn noisy; not a great place for a college student to study, read, etc.. I have decided on days I don't tutor I will go to the state library in downtown to study and do homework, its more quiet and so I don't have to suffer through distractions. Either that or stay at my school's library. The latter might be better but we'll see. I am definitely doing one or the other, I just can't stand to do hmwk at my place of habitance.
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